New Year, No Porn Addiction: Why your resolution to give up porn may be unhelpful

Today marks the infamous ‘Blue Monday’ – a term coined by psychologist Cliff Arnall in 2004. It is supposedly the most depressing day of the year as Christmas is over, we’re all back to work, money is tight and, perhaps we’ve already failed to keep our new year’s resolutions. Whilst there is no credible, scientific evidence for Blue Monday, many report feeling low at this time of year and today might feel especially ‘blue’ if you’re beating yourself up about your porn addiction.

If you’re someone struggling with porn addiction, it may be that your new year’s resolution is (or was) to give up the porn. After perhaps an indulgent festive period where you may have watched more porn than ever or made little effort to curb your unwanted behaviours, a reset button was pressed, and you promised yourself no more porn in 2025…

To those who are still going strong with this commitment, I commend you but urge you to keep reading in case your resolve begins to wane. And to those who have already failed to stick to their new year’s resolution to beat porn addiction, please don’t worry and don’t beat yourself up about it. You are not alone.

Why it’s so hard to beat porn addiction

According to Times Magazine, roughly 80% of new year’s resolutions fail by the second week of February and few make it past January. There are many reasons why this might be but here are some common false starts when it comes to keeping resolutions:

• Wrong motivations

Many people unknowingly commit to resolutions for the wrong reasons. They may feel pressured to make them out of a sense of tradition or they may be rooted in shame. For example, if your porn addiction felt especially out of control during December, you could be approaching your new year’s resolution out of shame and self-loathing rather than from a positive, hopeful, and empowering place.

• Setting large, unrealistic goals

We’re all guilty of being overly optimistic and wanting overnight fixes but this often isn’t feasible or fair on ourselves. Life is full of ups and downs and genuine, long-lasting transformation is slow and steady. Aiming for perfection will always set us up for failure so it’s important to set smaller, realistic goals.

• Not planning and preparing for obstacles

Many people fail to anticipate and prepare for bumps on the road to recovery. Some days, sticking to our new year’s resolutions feels easy but if life takes an unexpected turn and our willpower takes a blow, those resolutions suddenly feel completely overwhelming. This is why it’s crucial to get support and accept that the journey will be messy at times and mistakes are inevitable.

• Toxic positivity

Many psychologists have commented on how new year’s resolutions can fuel a culture of ‘toxic positivity’ where the challenges of life are glossed over and supposedly overcome by simply adopting a positive mental attitude. It is an obsession with ‘bettering ourselves’ that fuels perfectionism and therefore, makes it even more painful when we fail.

Anyone who has ever beaten an addiction, be it to drugs, alcohol or sex and porn, will tell you that slips are part of the journey. Meaningful change doesn’t happen without mistakes, and the lessons you learn from them will keep you heading in the right direction, slowly but surely.

Tips for quitting porn addiction

1. Acknowledge your difficult emotions and look after yourself

Human beings are not robots and almost everything we understand about human experience suggests that bottling up our pain and concealing it with a smile is only going to make the situation worse. If you’re struggling with porn addiction, the chances of slips and relapse will increase if you don’t acknowledge when you’re struggling, address your needs and seek support.

2. Set small, achievable goals

It is a widely acknowledged fact that if we want to succeed in our resolutions, we’ll have far better luck if we are realistic, anticipate bumps in the road and allow space for them. Life is unpredictable and can throw monumental curveballs your way without any warning so make sure your goals are achievable in most circumstances and won’t leave you feeling overwhelmed.

When it comes to porn addiction, this might mean slowly cutting down your unwanted behaviours (assuming they are legal), rather than going cold turkey. And remember, reducing your porn-watching doesn’t mean cutting out masturbation. Try some mindful masturbation techniques and show yourself some love!

3. Avoid perfectionism 

Club Soda, a community that helps people change their relationship to alcohol, summarises this perfectly:

“Nobody is perfect. Even with the clearest intentions and the strongest plans, things will still go wrong sometimes. Slip-ups will happen. Every mistake is a chance to learn. No mistake is a catastrophe. Perfectionism can paralyse you. But don’t let your desire to fix everything stop you changing something. Start where you stand, then keep going, step by step.”

4. Get support 

Finally, and crucially, make sure you have people to support and encourage you when things go wrong as well as when things are fine. Recovery is almost impossible without the ongoing support of others. If talking to others about your porn addiction is not an option right now, you can always sign up for the Pivotal Recovery Course and get professional, therapeutic guidance. Listening to our podcasts will remind you that you’re not alone and keep you on track to recovery with daily exercises.

“New Year, New Me” is not an overnight transformation that magically occurs as the clock strikes midnight and the fireworks explode. Anyone in recovery from porn addiction will tell you that it is all about the journey, and regrettably it may include some potholes, U-turns and diversions. Sometimes you need to slow down and take time to recover when you’ve hit a bump or two. Remember that perfection is never the goal and your “New Me” – free from porn addiction – will come in time.

If you’re looking for an extra boost in your recovery from porn addiction and you haven’t tried our course yet, why not look at our free Pivotal Recovery Taster Course. You can also read some of our reviews here or reach out via our contact form.