Porn Addiction: Overcoming Loneliness on Valentine’s Day

We’re fast approaching that day of the year that all single people loathe (and some couples, for that matter). The dreaded Valentine’s Day. Sadly, there’s no avoiding it. The shops have been flooded with bunches of roses, chocolate boxes and virtually everything is red and heart shaped. Whilst for many this is a time to celebrate love and show appreciation towards a partner, for those who have been single for a long time or have recently experienced a break-up, it can be a painful day. Valentine’s Day can evoke feelings of loneliness, isolation and low self-esteem, and for those struggling with porn addiction, the temptation to soothe those emotions by acting out will be incredibly tempting.

In this blog, we’re going to look at the impact of loneliness when it comes to porn addiction as well as provide some tips for surviving this Valentine’s Day if you’re not in a relationship.

Loneliness on Valentine’s Day

The important thing to say right away is that if you’re struggling with loneliness this Valentine’s Day, you are not alone. ‘Valentine’s Day Blues’ is a very real experience for many as we find ourselves confronted with constant reminders of our singleness and the suggestion that this is a bad thing. In fact, according to a survey by the Centre for Social Justice, last year (2024) was the loneliest Valentine’s Day on record with over 40% of British adults reporting feeling lonely on a regular basis. So, the idea that we’re ‘alone in our loneliness’ is absolutely untrue.

Perhaps due to idealistic, romantic films or stories in the media, it’s also easy to believe that couples everywhere are enjoying a picture-perfect Valentine’s Day, full of romance and intimacy, but the reality is many of them are actually at home doing their usual routine with only the vaguest acknowledgement of the day. In fact, according to a YouGov survey last year, this is how many Brits spend their Valentine’s Day, and 51% of people don’t celebrate at all.

So, whilst it might feel like the entire world is loved up and celebrating apart from you, remember this is certainly not the case.

Loneliness and Porn Addiction

When it comes to porn addiction, loneliness can be a double-edged sword. Not only can loneliness cause addiction but it is also a significant consequence of the behaviour, keeping the person trapped in a vicious cycle. In fact, our research found that of those who identified as having porn addiction, 53% reported feeling lonely most or all the time.

It’s common for those struggling with porn addiction to report loneliness as a primary cause of their issues, particularly if this began in adolescence. During this stage of growing up, we are beginning to develop our identities and if we feel excluded and different somehow from our peers, this can cause us to go further into ourselves. These differences isolate us and make it easier to privately seek solace in things like porn and masturbation. Many report that whilst they enjoyed their private life of porn, it also created a sense of shame that further alienated them from friends and potential partners. In this sense, there is a painful irony in addictive behaviours. They are so often used to ease the pain of loneliness and isolation, but they actually create more.

If you’re feeling lonely or depressed this Valentine’s Day and you’re concerned you might fall back into your porn addiction, take a look at these tips for getting through the day. You may even find you enjoy the occasion as you take the opportunity to do something a bit different.

How to enjoy Valentine’s Day without a partner (and without porn!)  

1. Celebrate friendship instead (Palentine’s Day anyone?)

Another interesting finding from the Centre of Social Justice’s survey was that ‘Gen Zers’ would much rather see “friendship and self-love celebrated in public advertising than romantic relationships.” In fact, according to a recent article in the Telegraph, Gen Z are embracing with “increasing gusto” a friendship-focused alternative to Valentine’s Day taking place on 13^th February – ‘Palentine’s Day’.

Recognition of the value of friendships continues to grow in the face of the outdated notion that romantic relationships are to be idealised above all else. So, if you’re struggling with porn addiction and feelings of loneliness, why not take the opportunity to spend quality time with your single friends? Not only will this keep feelings of loneliness and triggers at bay, you’ll be helping your other single friends who may be feeling the same but are too afraid to say so.

2. Treat yourself and be your own Valentine

If spending Valentine’s Day with your friends is not an option, rest assured you can still enjoy the day by celebrating someone – yourself. Being your own Valentine might sound sad at first, but it has become increasingly popular for single people to use this day as an excuse to show themselves a bit of well-deserved love. And if you’re someone who’s been battling the hell that is porn or sex addiction recovery, God knows you deserve to treat yourself and show yourself some appreciation.

This could take whatever shape you wish. Perhaps you’re fortunate enough to have a bit of disposable cash so why not treat yourself to a nice gift or order yourself an indulgent takeaway? You could buy yourself some flowers, blast out your favourite music and run yourself a candlelit bath, if that’s what you want. Provided this is part of your chosen sexual repertoire (see the ‘I’ stage of the CHOICE recovery model – ‘Identify positive sexuality’ – and this blog), remember there is no reason you can’t take this opportunity to show yourself some love through masturbation. Masturbation is a perfectly healthy sexual activity that has many mood-boosting effects, and the Pivotal Recovery course provides tools for learning how to enjoy ‘mindful masturbation,’ without porn.

3. Throw yourself into a new hobby or challenge

If you’re really looking for distraction and would rather not acknowledge Valentine’s Day, this is a great time to start investing in that new hobby you’ve been considering for a while. It could be that you’ve wanted to learn a new skill like cooking, DIY or coding, or you could simply throw yourself into a task that you’ve maybe been putting off, like organising your home office or deep cleaning your kitchen.

This may not sound like a huge amount of fun, but research has shown that completing tasks such as cleaning or organising your home can provide a genuine dopamine boost. You will feel a sense of achievement with the added bonus of distracting you from any potential worries or stresses that could trigger your addictive behaviours.

4. Take time to be reflective and set some personal goals

Some people like to use Valentine’s Day as a moment to reflect on their life goals and aspirations. This might seem like déjà vu so soon after the season of making new year’s resolutions, but given that (according to Time magazine) 80% of us have failed to keep those resolutions by February, it is quite fitting. So perhaps if you’re one of those 80%, you could take this opportunity to re-evaluate and start again or if you’re fortunate enough to be content with where you’re at in your life goals, take this time to celebrate or create new goals.

Remember, the focus of this exercise is not to beat yourself up about where you may be at now, but to look to the future with hope. Perhaps you could create a vision board and get inspired through journalling and seeing how far you have come. Try to set clear objectives that give you a sense of direction and purpose, helping you feel more positive about a future without porn addiction, regardless of who is by your side.

Conclusion

Valentine’s Day can be a tough time for those struggling with loneliness and porn addiction, but it doesn’t have to be a day of isolation or relapse. Remember, you are not alone in feeling this way, and there are plenty of healthy, fulfilling ways to navigate the day without turning to harmful behaviours. Whether it’s celebrating friendship, treating yourself with kindness, diving into a new hobby, or setting meaningful goals, there are positive ways to reclaim the day on your own terms.

Instead of seeing Valentine’s Day as a reminder of what’s missing, try to use it as an opportunity for self-care, connection, and growth. Your journey toward recovery and self-acceptance is worth celebrating—on this day and every day.

If you’re struggling with your porn-use and you haven’t already done so, why not try our free Pivotal Recovery Taster Course and see if this programme might help you get to where you want to be in your life. You can also read some of our reviews here or reach out via our contact form.