Should I stop masturbating when recovering from sex or porn addiction?

This is one of the most common questions we hear from Pivotal service users and the answer, in short, is no. Not if you don’t want to. Masturbation existed long before there was an endless plethora of pornographic material readily available, and it is a perfectly natural, sexual activity that can have many mood-boosting benefits.

However, it is important to evaluate what role masturbation plays in your life and consider whether it has evolved into something that is no longer enjoyable.

Understanding your motivation

Consider the times you choose to masturbate. Is it when you’re home alone and have some free time? Perhaps you’ve had a stressful day and need a way to unwind, or you’re struggling to fall asleep and find it helps you relax. Maybe you wake up feeling aroused and want to enjoy the sensation. All of these reasons could apply to you, and it is not a cause for concern.

Recognising healthy and unhealthy patterns

While masturbation can be a positive sexual activity, it’s important to recognise when it causes you more problems than it solves. Ask yourself these questions:

1. How often do you think about masturbating?
2. How frequently do you masturbate?
3. Are you preoccupied with planning your next opportunity to masturbate?
4. Do you NEED to masturbate to calm down, sleep, or relieve arousal?
5. Has it become more of a compulsion than a pleasure?
6. Do you feel in control of your masturbation habits?

These reflections can help ensure that masturbation remains a positive and enriching part of your life.

Masturbation and internet pornography

In our digital age, access to internet pornography is easier than ever. Many individuals, especially those in their 20’s or 30’s, may find they rely solely on porn for masturbation and have never known anything else. Others who once enjoyed masturbation without porn might find themselves increasingly dependent on it and this can sometimes lead to issues like porn-induced erectile dysfunction (PIED). However, reconnecting with your body through mindful masturbation can help to address this.

Practicing “Mindful Masturbation”

Mindful masturbation involves enjoying your body without the use of internet pornography or mental fantasies. For those accustomed to these stimuli, the idea might seem challenging, but it’s a powerful way to rediscover your body’s natural responses. This practice helps reprogramme your brain’s neural pathways to appreciate touch in a ‘mindful’ and intimate manner, whether solo or with a partner. We cover how to practice this technique in the “Identifying Positive Sexuality” section of the Pivotal Recovery course. You can read more about it here.

Considering abstinence for recovery

Individuals recovering from sex or porn addiction can worry that masturbation might sometimes act as a trigger for unwanted behaviours. For this reason, some make the personal choice to abstain from masturbation or even sex for a period to focus on their overall recovery and wellbeing. For some, they feel abstinence allows them to address the underlying causes of their compulsive behaviour and it can help couples strengthen their relationship by removing the pressure of sexual activity.

Embracing positive sexuality

We talk about this a lot in the Pivotal Recovery course but it’s important to reiterate: Recovering from sex or porn addiction does not mean giving up sex! Embracing your sexuality in a positive, enriching way means understanding and embracing your desires, recognising when habits become unhelpful, and exploring healthier practices like mindful masturbation. Whether you choose to engage in or abstain from masturbation, the key is making choices that support your emotional and physical wellbeing, as well as your continued recovery.

Your sexuality is unique to you and an integral part of who you are, and this should be embraced and celebrated when it enriches your life. It may take some time to discover what positive sexuality looks like to you and it will be up to you to establish what your boundaries are in terms of “ok” and “not ok” behaviours. But in time, you will be able to enjoy a sex life that is respectful of yourself and others, in line with your personal values and, of course, pleasurable.

You can read more about how recovery improves your sex life here.